Jessica

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 07:14:57 GMT

So I've been meaning to do this for awhile.
I made myself a brand new journal.
Things are going to be different.

comienzosnuevos

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 19:44:33 GMT

I think that I've outgrown this particular journal, so this will be my last post.

One part of my life has ended and I want fresh beginnings.
New friends, new location, a fresh new year with Jared.

Maybe in August after I get settled I'll start a new journal.

p.s.
Dear Yazen,
"The end you seek should be preexistent in the means you use."
The ends do not justify the means, if you didn't do it honestly and with integrity then you didn't do it.

My life will mean something.

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 03:08:01 GMT

Everyday we just get closer and closer to the end. The reality of leaving is starting to set in. I'm not really sure how I feel. It's hard to be excited, the guilt is pretty much unbearable.
Yesterday Jared and my mom and I saw 13 Going on 30 (haha) and my mom and I were totally bawling when she goes home to see her parents.
Dude...this fucking sucks.

Anyyyyyyways, I got to spend Saturday, Sunday, and Monday (!) with Jared, that never ever ever happens. I did not however see him today, which completely threw me off.

Oh ya, I'm really gonna miss my Emerald kids, next week is our last group, they're so cute and they're going to be in High School next year...awwwwwww!

Tue, 11 May 2004 01:08:31 GMT

I just witnessed the strangest thing ever, you may not think it's so strange though.

Just two minutes ago I was sitting on the couch and two men who had to be at least thirty and at least 75 pounds overweight pulled up to the dumpster in a truck. They were wearing bro attire (long sleeved black t-shirts, with some logo surrounded by flames), ball and chain necklaces, and the kind of vans middle-aged women buy for their husbands to wear on saturdays. They were blasting The Get Up Kids, much louder than The Get Up Kids should be blasted, in fact, The Get Up Kids should never really be blasted and then they proceeded to throw several concrete blocks into the dumpster, which in condo life, is a serious crime.

Mon, 03 May 2004 18:38:04 GMT

Gotta love HEAT DAYS!!!!

So I was on my way home from school and there was a truck in front of me with a sticker on the window that said, "Protesters Suck."
Oh really, asshole? You like living in this country? Maybe you should brush up on your history, learn about this little thing called the American Revolution. Our system, our culture is based on social dissent. We question authority, that's how shit gets done. Idiot.

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 23:15:28 GMT

Dooooooooooooood!!!
So I'm watching Pimp My Ride, and they're pimpin' an 85 Ranger, and guess what the name of the kid who owns it is? Ya, Jarrett, which if you say fast enough sounds like Jared.

Maybe you should get that piece pimped, babe!!! Then we wouldn't have to take your mom's car to prom (haha, we sound like we're 14 or something)!

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 17:09:15 GMT

So when I read Heather's entry and note to me I figured I would respond this way and kind of kill a few birds with one stone.
She said she was worried about me because she doesn't know what's going on, so here's what's going on.

Sometimes I honestly feel like nobody really understands how much shit I have going on, and it's hard to keep up. I still have to keep my grades up, I have to get some studying in, because I don't feel like failing my tests. I have all this shit to do for AVID, I'm constantly writing thank you notes and worrying about my portfolio and trying to start my trifold and keeping up with my responsibilities as secretary and volunteering so I have a chance at senior scholarships. Oh ya, money for school. Another thing to worry about. How the hell are my parents going to get through the next four years? That thought makes me feel extremely guilty and it doesn't help that my mom says things like this, "I don't know what I'm going to do with myself with Jessie leaves." Oh ya, and my wonderful boyfriend, what will happen to us? It's bad enough that I get to spend maybe two, sometimes if we're lucky three days, a week with him. Then I remember that I'm moving out in less than FOUR months. And on top of all of that, for some reason I constantly feel like most everyone is passing judgement.

To be honest, I don't know if that's anything special. It's shit everyone has to go through. So sometimes I let friendships slide, and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 02:44:33 GMT

So on Friday, Jared and I were practicing our team driving skills and we're comic genuises, and I thought you would appreciate this...

me: your steering wheel is really loose, that slut!
Jared: ya she gets AROUND.......

Sat, 03 Apr 2004 00:18:45 GMT

I HATE that my life has turned into a waiting game. It's my own damn fault, I know it. It's too late now to change things. I've successfully isolated myself...what the hell for.

I'm really lonely today, I hate Fridays.

Thu, 01 Apr 2004 01:15:43 GMT

♥ Eight more weeks
♥ Today is Wednesday, tomorrow is Thursday!

Livejournal is a jooooooooooke...I don't think I'm going to update anymore, my entries are bullshit anyways...you guys don't want to hear about the good stuff and I'm not so sure I want to give it up...

Tue, 30 Mar 2004 01:08:58 GMT

I hate Mondays and Wednesdays and most Fridays and Sundays!!!! A LOT!

I never have anything to say...

Do you ever forget that one day you'll be old? Doesn't that suck?
I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too.

I have good friends, possibly the greatest...

Oh ya, and the best boyfriend ♥

Sat, 13 Mar 2004 02:16:11 GMT

Dear Japan,
Thank you for Soka.

Dear God,
Thank you for Jared Paul Johnson.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for a loving home.

Dear Jared,
Thank you for the unconditional love.

ATTN:Ida RE:Your last entry

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 22:07:45 GMT

You and I have been friends for a long time. There were years when we weren't great friends and in the past three years we have definitely grown up, and we definitely aren't the same people that we once were, but you will always be one of my greatest friends and I'm so grateful to know you so well.
I'm really sorry that things haven't worked out as well as you hoped, just remember that there is always time to fix things. You can still do all the things you wanted to do, and don't even make me remind you of all the boys who would die to date you(don't even argue, because I won't be hearing it).
Also, I'm afraid that I may be one of the people you were writing about. I don't take offense, because there's no reason to take offense (and because I don't 'love my new outfit' and I don't 'think I'm hot').
But we all have to take the bad with the good. For instance, you get to be super cool and funny, and I have to be a loser. Also, I had to move (actually that may be more of a blessing). And I have made HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE mistakes...huge, and not a day goes by that I don't think about them and I wish so badly that I could take back everything, but I can't.
So shut up, because I love you, and as Jared would say, I think, nothing can ever change because nothing is ever the same.

P.S. My parents had to pay the Sears repairman $119 to 'fix' our 'broken' clothes dryer. Actually it wasn't broken, there was just a bobby pin in the drum, because I left it in my pocket. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, or something.

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 03:14:17 GMT

I've always lived by the rules. That doesn't bother me, so why do you get so worked up about being 'stunted'? What's wrong with a little bit of structure, I don't feel like I've missed out, I don't.
We all have rules to follow and people to answer to. That's just the way it is, one day maybe you'll understand that it's so much easier to go with the flow.

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 22:42:15 GMT

Holy cow...it's hooooooot...I like it!!!
It's going to be nice living closer to the ocean. How exciting.

Okay weekend...how was yours?

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 01:28:45 GMT

Penguins...flamingos...what's the difference?!?! The 'enter' keys aren't working on my keyboard...well at least not the way I need them to. I can still press enter when I'm done with an e-mail or something and it will send, but creating new paragraphs is simply impossible, well almost. Anyways, it's a real drag...In other news, I have to cutest boyfriend ever, unless you have a cute boyfriend, then your's can be the cutest, and I like him a whole lot. Also, Heather and I did yoga, so really, life doesn't get much better. I really wish I could start a new paragraph. I'm too lazy for my keyboard to punk out like this. What else? Oh ya, I think I figured out why I'm always thinking about what would happen if I swirved into oncoming traffic or hit pedestrians on purpose. It's not because I wish death upon myself and others, it's just because it's sooooo easy to forever change, or end, your life. In a second I could do it, without any thought or effort...Uhh, I hope your day was as great as mine...I Love You!!!

Mon, 01 Mar 2004 05:31:16 GMT

I meant every single word I said. I lead such an amazing life and I'm so grateful.
I realized something this past week, if you're friends can't grow with you then they aren't real friends, so thanks for growing with me
but some haven't...you made your bed and now you have to lie in it.

p.s. Jared, please refer to Jan. 20th's entry.

Wed, 25 Feb 2004 04:48:48 GMT

Everything we've been through has totally been worth it, and I couldn't ask for better or more supportive friends and you guys should really know how much I appreciate you.

p.s. I love Jared!

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 22:21:02 GMT

I'm wasting away, but it's not that bad. You'll take care of me, right?
I was semi-productive.
Got to spend the whole entire weekend with Jared, which is rare and wonderful.
The cat is snoring.
My finger hurts and my teeth might fall out.
Anyways, I'm the luckiest girl in the world and I wish I could live this month over and over again.

Wait I take that back, the future is too exciting.

Fri, 13 Feb 2004 22:01:35 GMT

Sometimes you all make me forget that I don't deserve you.
I think this week was the best week I've had in a long time. A really long time. A really really really long time.

And you want to know something else, I've always loved Valentines Day.

Oh and my boyfriend's better than yours.

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 23:08:01 GMT

I've got a need for speed and a certain young man who goes by the name Jared.

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 00:01:05 GMT

I MISS JARED...OH MY GOD!!!!
I had a good weekend though.
I'm almost done with my IB papers forever!!! Can I get an AMEN?!?!
Do you know how exciting that is?
Oh man
I need a job...I'm sick of never having money.
I love my friends
and I love YOU so please come home soon, it's so sad when you're not around.

Sat, 07 Feb 2004 03:25:49 GMT

Who wants to take me to The Get Up Kids?

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 04:50:46 GMT

Jared is gone and I miss him already. I am so pathetic, but I can't help it. He's wonderful, he's everything. I will always be different because of him, because he loves me. He should know that.

Mon, 02 Feb 2004 04:05:10 GMT

Why do I update so much?
I spent all afternoon doing homework and I'm not even close to being done.
I wish I could fall asleep and it could be June 11th...how great would that be?
I miss Jared :(
How pathetic am I?
I'm excited for Cassi to come visit.
I don't want to write my IB paper...
I hate my life ♥
I love YOU...